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Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in slothful_mar19's LiveJournal:

Friday, May 16th, 2008
12:26 am
Flying off to the sky
Letting go - the act of forsaking - giving up - defeat - moving on...

How does a person move on from something? Let go and start their lives again?

I think that is one of the hardest question I have to ask today, because, unlike others, I have no problem with what my existence is for. I mean, I know why I am here and where I am going. But letting go of something in the here and now is just so hard.

Will-power - the determination to do something / control of one's impulses and actions; self-control.

That is a special and a hard characteristic to forge - and 'yes' I said forged because I really do not think willpower or self-control is an inherient thing or those gene/relations BS. It can be build.

But one very difficult thing is - how can you stop yourself from doing something that makes you feel good?

This obessesion, maybe addiction, just for some time makes you feel emotions, or be it chemical reactions in your body that you don't get elsewhere. I think I kinda understand what drug/alchol junkies go through - HA - 'nah'...it is not like that, maybe just a glimpse of what it is, but never to that level. Because for addicts it is continous and they lose that sense of shame, of guilt...and lose ALL control.
Monday, April 14th, 2008
7:05 pm
Obesession
Obesession - The term obsession refers to images, ideas, or words that force themselves into the subject's consciousness against their will, and which momentarily deprive them of the ability to think and sometimes even to act.

In other words, obesession means to me personally, having a certain idea in your mind and every given moment you are constantly thiking about that 'thing'. When I wake up in the morning it is the first thing I think about, whenever I have a quiet moment, while on the bus or in lecture, I am thinking about it and when I sleep at night, I have the constant subject in my mind.

So for me, rather than being a complete obesession, it is more like a part-time obesession. Because if I have to do something important, like work or read, I can take the subject off my mind.
Sunday, April 13th, 2008
2:05 am
Choices
Choice

Choice is always linked with freedom. Through choice, a person gains their freedom. I just never thought that with that freedom came limitless choices. And with those choices came limitless possibilities. Where one choice affects every aspects of your life, whether you have intended it or not.

I always thought being an adult was nothing more than numbers. However, I now realise that I was making choices before the age when I became an adult. And it has truly affected my life.

I tell myself that I should not regret the choices I made. That I should think of the now and move on. That may sound heroic or logic in some sense. But it is not. Because by not regretting the wrong choices, I have not moved on from it, but instead stayed in the same rut that I was in, before and after that choice.

Choice should be made. And the affects must be taken into account. If it was a wrong choice, I should acknowledge and to my best ability try to make it right.

Not making a choice is of course by far the worst turn. Then you forever stay in a rut, with no change in sight and no path to walk forward to. Waiting for others to make the choice for you, is just another way of not making your choice and in a simple form, just pushing your life into another’s hand.

But by far making choices is the hardest thing I have experiences in my life, and at the same time, those moments that I have made choices must be the most alive I have ever felt.
Monday, June 12th, 2006
9:17 pm
In just about 5 minutes, the Italy v Ghana match will start.
Most people when they see this match up, will decide that Italy will prevail. But if you have been watching the World Cup so far, you will clearly see that taking expectations or previous notions when watching a match will be thrown out of the window in the first minute.
I first saw this in the game between Argentina v Ivory Coast.
As an African team, Ivory Coast were instantly labeled as the underdogs, but again that notion was proven wrong when this team held their own and showed great skill (Drogba), when playing.
But Argentina have clearly shown us that all the hype about this team having the ability to reach the World Cup finals, was very evident in that game. They were clinical. That is what the commentary called it. To me, it said, they had very competent players, who worked together through passes and ball-control, and eventually their play outshined that of Ivory Coast. So, considering that game, Argentina looks really good and together and I can't wait to see them play a more experinced team - Brazil; England; or the Czech Rep (by the way the three team I just mentioned are by far my favourites and I hope I won't miss any of their games. Also, I personally think Argentina and these three teams will reach the finals;)
As I am writing this, I am also listening to the Italy match (its on 83 minute with Ita leading 2-0). Of course, Italy have been the better side, but you can't write off Ghana - the begining they had most possession and were clearly playing better, but after that Italy had taken rein again.
Anyway, whilst I am listening, I will try to write down what I thought about the World Cup so far.
The first game had me wanting more when it finished. I just love matches which are full of goals and what beautiful ones were scored -espcailly the Lahm goal at the begining and Frings in the end, just what I expected. Seriously, I love this team, but then again I have a thing for the underdogs, and some not so (England), but since there disppointing games in their friendlies, the media have been slagging them off and their own home-fans saying there is no chance of them winning. I mean, there is some truth in this if you saw the defending (or lack of it), they just suck when it comes to that, which no doubt class-strikers will take advantage off, but then again they compensate that by their goal-scoring.
Another team that really impressed me must be the Czech Republic - in particular Pavel Nedved and Rosicky. My God, when these two play in the same rythm, which they do for most of the game, they can produce such beautiful play and of course goals. Another thing about this team is that they have real great defenders, who are really hard to break and even IF someone gets through, which is hard, there is Cech, who is without a doubt the world best goalkeeper. The only concern for this team is the fact that Baros, and now Koller are off injured which is a shame really because they are the two best strikers the Czech have. Anyway, the midfielder make up for it.
All in all, so far in the World Cup, I have yet to be disappointed, all the hype about this world has really paid off. Now, if only the weather was to agree, cause damn, its really hot here (I am in England) and apparently in German too.
Saturday, May 27th, 2006
12:55 am
Title: Dolphin Jokes
Rating: 15+
Characters: Iruka Kakashi

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dolphin Jokes


Kakashi was reading a special instalment of the Icha Icha Paradise series. Usually, the book contained dirty jokes, the occasional blonde jokes, and lots of sexual ones. But this week the orange book had an extra booklet attached to it, which had on the front cover a picture of a dolphin spouting water at the camera with the words ‘eek eek eek’ in a speech box. Feeling irked about the damn publisher’s wasting valuable pages on cute dolphins instead of the usual hentai, Kakashi reluctantly turned over the page to see what it was all about. It had one paragraph explaining the likeness of humans and dolphins in respect of being the only species on earth to enjoy sexual intercourse solely for the pleasure of the experience, which had Kakashi baffled and a bit cranky, ‘there is nothing hentai-like here, what was Jiraiya smoking when he wrote – ’
His thought process was cut short when his eyes briefly caught the next paragraph, he read it once, then twice with his one lone eye getting wider by the second.

Iruka was having a pleasant day, when he woke up this morning he was feeling exceptionally giddy, he even held most of his lessons outdoors, all the while smiling and telling the occasional jokes, which got a few coughs from the students, but nothing was going to ruin his good-mood today. He was practically skipping as he walked down the halls of the academy, pony-tail bouncing, and a big smile on his face. He was wearing his usual chunin outfit sans the vest, ‘too hot’ he though, it was mid-May, the weather was nice and he was going to enjoy this day to the fullest.
Trying to share his high spirits with his fellow comrades, he kept on ducking into each classroom with a chipper greeting, and bouncing out as quickly to get to the next room. Luckily for Iruka, he was out of the rooms quickly enough to miss the barrage of shurinken and the occasional kunai send after him.
When he finally reached his destination, Iruka excitedly opened the door and yelled out a cheerful "Ohayo, minna-san". Only to be ignored. Then, he heard rambunctious laughter filling the room, he found the sound was emitting from a group of men sitting in the mission room’s only couch, all huddled together to take a peak at what must have been the source of their fun. Holding said source was a well-known ninja of Konoha, who went by the name Hatake Kakashi, the Copy-nin. Also known for being a pervert, and Iruka’s very own personal tormentor.
Now, Iruka knew he was an annoying brat in his younger days, and when one of his pranks targeted a certain greyed-haired (Iruka refused admit it was silver) teenager, and went horribly wrong, it marked the start of a relationship that sealed Iruka to continuous moments of embarrassment, utter humiliation and physical pain. Iruka was still subjected to being thrown through the occasional table or slammed hard on the doorframe or any wall nearby and that usually occurred on the rare days when Kakashi was being gentle. ‘Gentle my arse, he just a sadistic bastard with a twisted sense of humour, with me as his unfortunate victim. (Sighs) I need a hug!’
Surprisingly, Iruka’s thoughts were answered when he felt a body draw him near for an embrace. Alas it was not to be. Instead of getting the hug he was hoping for, his head was roughly placed under someone’s armpit, nearly choking him, ‘bloody apes don’t even know their own strength’, Iruka stopped his thoughts when he suddenly felt someone tousle his hair. It was one thing to embarrass him in front of his comrades, but to touch his hair, his shimmering, alluring, bouncy pony-tail, was a step to far.
Without another thought, Iruka grabbed his assailant’s waist and barged them both to the nearest wall. "F-, Iruka" yelled the person who was now under Iruka. He looked down at the person yelling profanities at him, only to find himself face-to-…mask, "Kakashi, you bastard, how many time have I told you NOT TO TOUCH MY HAIR." Iruka started yelling, leaving him vulnerable to any attacks, and seeing as he was dealing with a jonin rank shinobi, Iruka really should have known better.
All of the sudden, Iruka was flipped over, stomach on the floor with only one arm to keep his chest off the ground, and his other arm held behind his back.
Kakashi, on the other hand, was sitting comfortably on Iruka’s back, eye-curved and what could probably be a smug-smirk or a smile on his face, then again one can never tell with that mask on.
He then leaned over closely to Iruka’s ear and said, "I will ask you one question, and if you get it right, I will let you go, but if you get it wrong, well…" then he started chuckling, all the while whispering things to himself. ‘Just great, he probably forgot to take his morning pills, (sighs) what did I ever do to deserve such a fate? And I was having such a pleasant day too’
While Iruka was pondering the reason for his bad luck, and Kakashi was laughing quietly to himself, they did not notice the crowd that was gathered around them, waiting to see how this would end.
Finally, Kakashi stopped his somewhat creepy laughter, and pulled out the extra booklet he found in his Icha Icha series this morning, and then he read from it.
"What is a dolphin’s favourite sexual position?"
Before, he could stop himself, Iruka yelled out, "How would I know? Yeez, Kakashi, I know you’re a pervert, but animal’s sexual position…that’s sick, even for you"
Iruka instantly found his face re-acquainted with the floor, hard. Whilst, Kakashi was shaking his head, hand full of Iruka’s hair, "Just answer the question, you should know Iruka" was the quiet reply to the previous outburst.
Iruka’s earlier good mood and giddiness was disappearing fast, and that pissed him off, so he decided to be defiant and told Kakashi, "F- off".
"Wrong Iruka-sensei, the answer was…Doggy style ALL THE WAY" Kakashi uttered out loud for all to hear and started hiding on Iruka’s back.

THE END

----------------------------------------------------------------

Happy Birthday Iruka-sensei. I loved writing this piece. I started this afternoon after finding out it was Iruka's Bday. It has Kakashi as a bully, Iruka as a potty mouth, and added to that is boys playing rough. (starts to drool)
Sunday, March 26th, 2006
8:08 pm
EXAMS BLUES!
Yo!

Exams are upon us. Run, save yourselves, before 'it' gets you.
(*sigh*) I am already exhausted and I haven't even started revising. I just know I will be getting poor grades this year. I don't know whats wrong with me, I have been really absent-minded this year. I don't remember my timetable anymore; or which subject or homework or assignment I have on a particular day. It got so bad, that I don't even know when I am handing in my assignments and I even forgot about choosing which subjects I want to take next semester.
I thinking, I am getting this forgetful because I just do not enjoy the course I am taking anymore. But, that's not wholly true because, there are times that I have fun, just not the majority of the time this year. (*sigh*).
Every-day I tell myself, today is different, I will start doing my work or start my revision, but then I get bone-aching tired and just shut my book and just go on my merry-way and search for decent Naruto fanfiction to read. That's the way it has been this year. At least last year, I could somehow control myself or force myself to get the work out of the way, then do something fun.
I guess, this year (my second year) is really important, and if I have low grades, or worse FAIL, there is a possibility I have to repeat a year. Just where the hell will I get the money and any damn gusto to reel forward. But then again, I might decide over the summer break, not to go back (hardly - my parents would'nt allow it), or take another course, that's easier. Seriously, I am getting tired of looking for a challenge, I will just look for something simple and steady. I see no reason why I am punishing myself by studying Law, it plain sucks.
Saturday, March 25th, 2006
8:56 pm
Disclaimer: The Naruto series and characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. The song belongs to Keisha White "Weakness in me". So, don't sue me, I am broke as it is.


Weakness In Me -

Being a shinobi was never an easy life to lead. It involved many dangers whilst carrying out said job, such as espionage and assassination, with the outcome sometimes leading to death. Even though, it was sometimes a hard life, it was the only thing he knew.
He grew up in a village that was full of ninjas, and his own parents were once these type of agents. He lost them a long time ago to a Nine Tailed Fox that attacked the village, he always wondered about the reason behind it, why it came and took away his most precious people, but then again, he wasn't alone in his loss. Many lost loved ones that day. He tried not to dwell on it, they were heros and they died in the most honorbale way to a ninja - died protecting the village they loved and served. He sometimes questioned himself, whether he had their kind of strength and will to sacrifice his life for the village. He realised he did, and his students proved that to him, especially his best student, one Uzumaki Naruto. Just thinking about the boy brought a smile to his face. Naruto was getting stronger these day, sometimes Iruka thought the boy was progessing too fast and that it wasn't normal. But then again Naruto had a way of suprising people and Iruka learned long ago, to just watch and encourage the boy whenever he needed a friend.
Iruk tried to focus on his work and at the moment not dwell on the past and his friend. He needed to get these mission scrolls sorted and filed, so that he could go home and get an early night with his love, who was back from mission.
Sometimes Iruka didn't know how he ended up in a relationship, he was not the sort of person that fell in and quickly out of love. He lost loved ones before and was always afriad he would lose them again. But then, he realised it wasn't something he had control over. Iruka wasn't saying he was in love, far from it, that was a feeling he wasn't ready to give, sure he loved Naruto, but that was different because the boy was family, blood or not. But to love another and give his whole self, he just wasn't ready for that. Iruka knew his lover loved him, and he, in return, cared greatly for his love.
However, these day, someone else had his attention. Someone that just waltzed into his life, and right from that start this person stole all his affection. It was ludicrious, crazy, just plain wrong, Iruka thought, but then again so was his new lover.

"Iruka-sensei...?"

Talk of the devil and he will appear right in front of you. Or in this case allow him to occupy your thoughts and there he is in the flesh. Iruka just didn't know what to do at times like these. He never thought he would do something like this, to have a lover that loves him and have all his attention on another. He really wanted to stay away from his new lover, but at the same time he could not. Whenever he was away from his new lover, he would think of nothing but wanting to see them as soon as possible and hold on to them tightly and never let go. These were emtions Iruka never experienced before, sure he cared for his lover, but his new love insighted in him feelings that were so passionate and strong, that just by looking at...him, he felt like he was alive for the first time, breathing for the first time, touching for the first time, tasting for the first time. Their relationship or whatever it was, invoked something in him, that he was afriad of, but at the same time relished on.

"What can I do for you...Kakashi-sensei"


(So what do you think? Should I continue or not?)
Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
4:31 pm
Ashamed
I am sooooo embrassed, I just posted my whole fic on the kaka/iru journal, I did not use a link. I feel utter humilation. Please somebody get rid of it and I will just go and crawl under a rock. I am not good with links and such, I am feeling horrible because I am missing naruto anime (the last two episode) and now I did this. Goodbye

Current Mood: depressed
Friday, August 5th, 2005
7:26 pm
I just want to stay in the comforts of my house!
This again is only a dabble with myself, it seems. I know if I want visitors, I should at least make some friends with those in LJ with the same interests as me, but again that is too bothersome. Or, I could give it to my friends, but that would make me feel uncomfortable, because I feel like this is the only place that I can write whatever emtions or thoughts are going through me and not be judged or looked at differently. For example, these days I am quite afraid of leaving my house or for that matter my room. OK, that was a bit too much, I do leave my room, but not so much my house, this is the first time that I left home in this whole week. The only reason I did that was because I felt like catching up on the fanfictions on the KakaIru LJ community (that place rocks). The reason may be due to the fact that there is a lot of tension on the streets of London and that is especially so in my case when you live in inner city (smack in the middle of central London). Anyway, enough of that, the reason for this journal for me is that I can write whatever comes to mind and let it all out. You see, I am not that kind of person, I tend to keep in everything I am feeling within myself, and I am always reading how bad that it is for a person, but its harder to talk about it, when you yourself don't know what you are going through. Anyway, time is up, damn, that is why I hate internet cafes. See ya, maybe I might come out tommorow again.

Current Mood: confused
6:46 pm
I guess my journal, my choice of topic
Firstly, I don’t know how Live Journal exactly works. All I know is that I was allowed to create a journal where I can write whatever I want (as long as it complies with LJ regulations). I did not get any visitors, yet, because the LJ is so huge and it may also be due to the fact that I gave none of my friends the address. (: p) . After I realised this, I know now this is sort of a sanctuary for me, where I can write my feeling and thoughts on certain subjects that I have interests in.
So far, I am fascinated by anime and manga because I am quite new to it – (well, I did start watching it more regularly this year – 2005 -). Actually, it’s quite interesting how I started with this ‘new addiction’, anime and later on manga. It all started with Dragon Ball Z – cartoon network version – (I live in London, England, therefore anime is quite foreign) and it grabbed my attention, this was animation taken to the next level, in case of the fight scenes and the detailed drawing of the characters. This was a new experience for me, because usually other animation didn’t come close. So, I just laid back and watched the CN version (later on I would find out there were scene and certain themes of the anime cut out – “Art has no enemy but ignorance” ), but then the day of reckoning has come upon, a friend of mine (known her since I was 11, now 19yrs old) passed me a CD recordable with three different animes burnt to it and the reason for that was due to my constant complaining of DBZ lack of adult themes and silly dialogues (the English version). I still have that CD and the contents were the original (Japanese version) first episodes of D.N.Angel; Chobits; and Blue Gender. I instantly fell in love with D.N.Angel and laughed my way through the whole episode of Chobits. The other was just not in my taste. Therefore, after that I started ravaging through the Net for the other episodes, sadly, I was too late, they were licensed. But, due to my search, I came across AnimeSuki website when I downloaded Bittorrent and ‘lo and behold’ there was Naruto, but being the fool that I am (sometimes that is – other times I am just to lazy to be bothered) I left it and went on to download Gundam Seed Destiny (I was to late for Gundam Seed, it was licensed). While I was in this Gundam Shrine, I think, or website, I came across this member of the website and she was blabbing about ‘hot, angst bishonen’ and guess who was amongst them? You guessed it, Uchiha Sasuke. I was like, I have to know who that is, because he was in-between pictures of Heero and Kira (Gundam Wing) and he was looking ‘finnnnnnee’. Then I found his name, the anime he was in and I downloaded my first episode of Naruto. And may I say, to this day, I will always be glad to have stumbled upon that shrine/whatever it was, for ‘hot, angst bishonen’. Since that first episode, it was love at first sight for me with a certain prankster kitsune and to this day, nobody has yet beaten him (in particular), as for the current episode in the anime (144), I feel the quality is lacking from those days in the beginning. Hopefully, they will pick themselves up, you knows?
I first started reading manga, when I was waiting for the Naruto episodes to be back on, since they went on a break (after the Neji fight or was that before his fight) and I wanted to know what was happening. Then, I stumbled upon this forum which just told me to read the Manga, which was ready into Naruto second book and that is how that interest flourished.
I know I am such a bore to be talking about my first experience, to now my addiction, of anime, but ‘hey’ this is my journal and I can write about it.

Current Mood: annoyed
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005
11:37 am
I am new here!
I just wanted to post a brief comment and that was to say hello to all who see this and I am having a bad time so far trying to edit my personal information - there is always some error. Anyway, I will post something worth while reading next time when I get used to here. For anyone interested; I am currently watching the Naruto - and I must say I am disappointed, even though the Kakashi and Iruka scene in 142 had plastered a big silly grin on my face. However, in terms of after that, nothing intersting is happening and Iruka is just shouting, where is the action, dammit! I also had this hope that maybe Iruka was more than just an average fighter as he is turning out to be in episode 144 (Mizuki is kicking his ass), but in the far depth of my mind, there is a spark of hope that is still waiting for something more out of Umino Iruka. Anyway, other than that I am a huge Bleach fan (in a way most Naruto fan tend to like Bleach or the other way round), so far loving 'Byakuya-boy' - no man should be allowed to be that beautiful - but then again - 'Beauty may have fair leaves, yet bitter fruit.'. But I could not care less, a pretty face is nice to look at. What I truly like most about Bleach is the main character - Ichigo - he is so unlike any other main characters, he is nice but not pliantly, and does not take jack from anyone (coughNarutocough). Anyway, I shall stop blabbing, see ya or whatever!

Current Mood: lazy
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